I write when I’m sad

I write when it’s heavy,

Only when it gets bad

And the bed isn’t comfy

My thoughts start to spin

And my head.. it hurts

From the weekend of gin

And scars under my shirt.

But why all of a sudden

Does my head start to think

Of these thoughts.. such a burden

Fuck- I need my shrink.

A deep breath & I finish

This poem I am writing

The heavy starts to diminish-

Just in time for day lighting.

to feel something

or not at all.

to feel something-

to have it all.

to have anything

something at all,

is more than nothing-

nothing at all.

it’s just me & these walls tonight.

i know it’s quiet

but everything is so loud.

my ears are ringing

my heart is pounding

my thoughts are spinning

I’m barely breathing.

I know it’s quiet

but everything is so loud.

Some days I strive for wholesome

To feel it all as one.

But today Im sunk with lonesome

The empty - feels a ton.

it’s like I’m out at sea.

one moment I feel

I’ve escaped the waves.

Free, at last.

•

But the storm is back

& now Im reminded -

I’ve never really escaped

after all.

•

my insides rock

Back and forth.

The past now

Rising up to shore.

•

•

•

& again, I’m reminded.

tonight I crave to be alone

to have this moment

so I can be.

Tonight I crave to be alone.

★★★

Rain drops hit my bedroom window

My thoughts dissolve

now these sheets are all I feel.

Tonight I crave to be alone.

★★★

My breathing - shallow and eyes are dry

from this weight on my chest,

And blank stares into these walls.

Tonight I crave to be alone.

★★★

Tonight I crave to be alone.

so please, don’t keep me company

for all I wish is to not be.

Tonight I crave to be alone.